Archive for January, 2008

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7th day of the year; 1st movie

January 7, 2008

Drats I missed yesterday.

And the day before, just because I was in a huff typing out. I forgot to mention that I had choco-fondue-marshmellies at home on the night of the 4th. Mum said that fondue was created by Sis. Her cullinary classes are coming in handy. Hmm, makes me want to make chocolates too. Drools.

Sis grows bigger everytime I don’t see her. And Mum grows smarter with that game she plays so ever often. Cute isn’t it? My Mum plays online games you know! So that makes one more form of communication. Can’t get her on the phone, meet her in the game ūüėÄ

Sis dreads school somewhat. Haha, those were the days. I had my share too. But I think, mine was more of negligence. If I had paid more interest to what I was doing, I could have done way better. Then again, when I did pay more interest, I didn’t have enough intellect for the subject matter. Well, it’s long over.

Sis has big dreams. Who doesn’t? Without big dreams, we won’t have a goal to reach. Without goals, what is life for? Big dreams are to make life worth living somewhat.

But big dreams need big funding. Sigh. I’m now trying to not spend on anything but edible things. I saw nice stuff to buy. Nice price too. Problem is even when my pay is already in, I can’t bear to part with the money. It took so¬†long to get back to that amount and its hard(ly)-earned.

 ~+~+~

Yesterday, he left at about noon to go meet his clients to collect documents. He’d said he’d be home pretty late. And I was planning to already go home since he won’t be around and I’d be bored. So I kinda played the game with Mum in it awhile. Lo and behold he asked me out for a show since he had time to waste while waiting for another client.

First movie for my 2008.

I am Legend.

Man, its a bummer. I really feel that my SGD10 wasn’t quite worth the show. Maybe just the popcorns and the barley. It’s like the whole set of the movie, in my humble opinion, just a re-cycle of the Resident Evil, just more in broad daylight.

Well, those who’ve watched R.E, most of it happens in the dark yeah? Like those dark alleys, dark skies, with those infected people hungering for flesh.

It’s all the same plot, hunting for a cure. Just that there’s only this one man supposedly left on Earth, stubbornly trying to find that cure even though he believes that no one else is alive. Probably because since he’s the only living human left, if he could cure someone out there, he’d have some company.

Just that all these started all because one very smart doctor had supposedly found a cure for cancer in year 2009. Haha! Cancer! For 10,009 people who got injected with a particular virus to cure that. Apparently it was a virus gone wrong, as usual. And virus is air-borne and contact-borne. Just that probably that few minority are immune, so is the one man left.

Near to the end of the show, his dog of so many years of company, his only companion for that 3 years since, got infected while protecting him. But doggy is not immune via contact-borne virus. And so he reluctantly let it go.

When he was just about to revenge for doggy and kill himself in the process, a light shone. Literally there was! He’s not the only one alive!

And so… The ending is crappy. I wouldn’t want to mention it. If you haven’t watched and want to know, ask me elsewhere!

And I’d thought that a major disaster happened to NY or something, that wiped out the entire clan of humans, save for him. But it looked peculiar since there were cars all stuck at the roads as if in a jam. Nothing is alive in the day, except for migrating animals. Not sure why animals don’t really look infected. Because if they were, they would have reacted to him already. In fact, they looked perfectly animal, unlike his lab rats.

We only saw the infected beings when he went to dark places. One thing is that these beings can’t be exposed to light. They’ll evaporate to death. Like vampires? Strange virus. Anyway, cleared the doubt about the major disaster, when he had his first flashback throughout the show.

Man, I want to watch Chipmunks =.=

~+~+~

Will have to collect my final remnants from office from my colleague later today. They will be moving this coming Friday.

And Sis told me there’s Kebab at TPY! Can’t believe they moved from Tp to TPY! How do they ever track my whereabouts haha!

I still have not gotten my Sis her X’mas present. The nerve! Trust my pay to be credited so late and I still haven’t mentioned it to him yet. He needs to share. Bleh.

That’s for now.

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def_n: M-level

January 5, 2008

I’d thought I’d missed out typing¬†one day late after the last one. Guess I lost track of time. I’d thought 2 days had just passed.

Last night, it was decided that we’d meet out since J is leaving for his exchange for 6 months to Pennsylvania, US. So we did.

I haven’t seen them since September 07 and yet the only familiarity I’d had was with M, as usual. Also perhaps maybe little chats here and there with My & bf, Pl and Wt. Other than that, most of the time I was just staring into space or listening in to what the others were conversing about.

Feels so strange that I’m seen to be the quietest amongst them, when before we all got together, I was the source. If I hadn’t suggested to M (then a game friend) to bring his friends along to that orientation that we had, none of these would even happen as they did. None of us would have met and grow to whom we are today.

Funny thing is, regardless of how long we don’t see each other, M still feels the same to me. Everyone else, well, depends on what I can think of to speak to them about. R seemed aloof as usual. Not sure why. It’s like the aloofness I’d seen when we all first met. I don’t know why he still has that brought along with him.

Maybe this is what¬†I’d refer to as:

“People are brought together for a reason. They will then separate when the reason is no longer there.”

“Meeting many people, not everyone stays as friends. Some end up as mere acquaintances. Others will be friends for a period. Soon that period will end as well. Even best friends may no longer see each other when the time arrives for it.”

We meet for a reason and when time comes for us to depart, we can’t sit and dwell. Everyone has to move on. Life moves on. You can always think back about it. Reminisce the good times. Recall the bad. Still, not all relationships can stay the way they were. Not all. There are exceptions, especially for people who don’t find reason to be friends or to be together. These people are those that when they meet, they just click all over again. It doesn’t take time for them to think up a topic to chat or discuss about. They just start. Talk. Tease. Play. Joke. Argue.

If you ever come across the above kind of person, it doesn’t matter even if you lose contact by not meeting up. If future has it that you’ll meet again, you’ll meet again and times will be like past times.

And so yesterday was like those times as usual. None of them are close to me. Even M, is the above person I’d just described. The kind that just sinks in to me when we meet, we don’t even need to think of a topic to talk about.

 ~+~+~

So, that was it and yesterday went past.

Then there are times when I’d think about the people around me. Whether I do have a reason for being with them or wanting to be with them. But there’s none that I can think of. It’s like I just want to be around them. I just want to be with them. It’s both a want and a need. What justifies the need, I can’t find words to describe.

There are people that I’ve lost touch with. People whom were those I was always around with. Then again, not all of them I’m at the M-level. (Hmm, new definition: M-level of friendship / familiarity!) Probably because I’m not so much of a conversation-starter. That’s why I’d think of it this way. If¬†a conversation could kick off between I and one other without much thought, I’d define it as the above.

For past friends, I can’t say much. Probably because in the past I was a pretty noisy thing. I’d crack up something strange or amusing I knew and told those around me to start a conversation. But soon enough, that kind of died down.¬†

Now if I do ever mentioned something, no one really listens. Either they’re too busy or they were too caught up in their thought. There are those who did listened but their faces did not tell it. Sometimes I brush the ignorance off. Sometimes I get very annoyed. Sometimes I get pissed. But who ever cares?

~+~+~

Last night, he shared with me the goals that he had in mind for his work. These were actually asked for by his boss. I really appreciate it that he shared them with me. Other than the little grammatical errors here and there, I can feel his sincerity in the written piece. I just hope that when he really does succeed, he does not forget whom has been with him, supporting him, suffering with him and helping him along the way. Hopefully his pride and ego stays clear even after he succeeds. Well, just because oftentimes it happens otherwise to many other people I know and have heard of.

If only he’d share more about himself.

Oftentimes when he’s not at work, not eating, not watching TV (intently & hates to be disturbed), not on the phone, not with his friend, not fishing, not sleeping, not … I hardly ever get to just talk to him. Sometimes when I just want to share something I saw on TV or the likes of it, he’d just turn for 5 seconds and that was it. I don’t always get his fullest attention like I’d like to.

Even when he has work to do, he’d just disappear and lock himself up in the other room to use the phone, without telling me what he was¬†intending. I mean, lock the door? If he’d said so he needs to make calls, I wouldn’t even enter the room, would I?

There are times when he just has to go work everyday. I can’t really complain. I mean he’s doing this for his job. But, there are times when I just want to feel his presence. I don’t mind waiting till he had to leave the house, then I’d leave together to get my meal. Rather than going out to buy my meal and then returning home not seeing him already,¬†because he’d left after me. I don’t know why he just won’t let me. He’d insist that I go find my food, instead of waiting for him. When I’d said I’d wait, since it was only about 15mins or so, he just rushed and said we could go. Rushed, meaning wrong wallet, no cards, no cash. And so it becomes my fault again for having him rush himself.

I’m like ??? Is it wrong to just want to wait for him to leave and then I can get my meal of the day? I’ve already waited the whole day since he left early this morning to go for a Cpy-organised cycling event. And when he reaches home, he barely says anything much.

Why isn’t there room to talk? Time to talk?

I’ve naught¬†the slightest idea. Maybe I shouldn’t be around so often. Then I wouldn’t feel so ignored. I can be so bothersome. Aren’t I?

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hello 2.0.0.8

January 4, 2008

Hello to the new year!

Betcha those who’ve been reading had thought me dead or something along that line or perhaps gone from the writing/typing world.

Well sorta just because I haven’t really found the time to indulge in my own thoughts.

Lots have happened in the past 6 months or should I say in the year that has just passed us. Sometimes when I stop to reminisce, it’s like I can still think back to the times I was still in the Uni. Time do pass us by fast.

~+~+~

After graduation, I didn’t really set down to think on what I really want to do. In fact, it was more like finding a job in haste. Just trying to get an average paying one while I really decide what to do in the meantime. In that 6 months I’ve spent; meeting new people in a wholly different environment, learning things out of my league, learning to cope, learning to deal with people from all walks of life, managing relationships with people, maintaining them; on an occupation totally unexpected of me but I learnt quite a hefty. In terms of facing my fears. In terms of facing unexpectedness. Every minute on the job could be anything from known to the unknown.

Many people would think that this job wouldn’t require much and perhaps just facing the drone of picking up the damn phone, but once you’re in it, you might beg to differ. Well, at least this is my opinion of it.

I learnt to digest new information and find ways to relate them to people, no matter how hard it was trying to put across to them. Mistakes do come. But they don’t go unlearnt. I learnt to get better but the remuneration did not come along with it. Nor did the promised incentives. They said we would get ’em. But from the moment I started till date, there are those still left uncredited to me as of yet. It makes you wonder where your hard earned incentives all went into. Praises only came in when you’ve put across your desire to leave. Otherwise, you’ll never really know. Furthermore, if we weren’t being converted or have the shift added incentives, we were no different from beginners. Six months have passed but there was no increase or change. What more, they mentioned that there will be a cut and it’ll be a big one. They just can’t say when will it happen or whether will it happen. Yet, they find more to just cope with the bridging to the other side.¬†Well, they don’t have to pay them much over there, that’s one thing everyone can see.

I love my colleagues. I love those whom have taught me much and I really appreciate all their help. Almost all those whom I’ve ever spoken to, there’s at least one good point to tell about. I can’t bear to leave them, not after all those little funny moments we’ve shared. Those little lunches, parties, etc. I respect them.

But the process of it all inside was just too much to bear with. The works of the whole industry within, it was too disorganised. We are bearing too much with the shit. And since the incentives weren’t being credited, I don’t see a point staying. What more with the cut, there would be this uncertainty. Why be cut when you can leave and find a better one elsewhere?

 ~+~+~

Back to square 1. One reason I left was because I realised it was one thing I wouldn’t want to live doing. I had others that I really want to work with, but it’ll be hard to start from scratch all over again. Seriously, I really can’t find something that I really want.

1. Writing (an interest I’ve always had but I’ve no professional experience nor studies)
2. Designing (same as the above)
3. Programming (as per what I’ve studied in Uni but only passe)
4. Typing (all time favourite: as long as I have a job that I can type in)

Queer isn’t it. I also won’t mind if I had a job that had anything to do with Math, simply because I’m so missing Math. Or should I just teach Math?!

I miss the times when we did Software Engineering in Industrial basis, where we had this major project to have a software designed for used within the Hospital management. I missed those moments too just because I miss programming in those kinds of projects. But other than that particular module, I have no other programming modules that I’m proud of. How sad is that?

If I just settled for a typing/clerical/admin job, that would simply undermine my qualifications (if I even had any…) and the remuneration wouldn’t be that much either. Now that’s the dilemma.

If I were to teach Math in a class full of students, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle it. Then again, what job doesn’t have its challenges aight? And this will be a bonded one, so I can’t just leave either.

Dilemma. Should I just get a 9-5 job? Get a part-time job and take up a course of interest? Now what?

 ~+~+~

New years bring new dilemmas. Or should I say rekindling old dilemmas. Haha. I am just so funny sometimes. Sigh.

By the by, it has been 9 months plus already. I did learn how to be with someone w/o killing him. Well, I tend to worry too much or have too little trust in someone. Once bitten, twice shy. Who doesn’t? He’s still such a dear to me. If only we could make enough together. I really want us to.

That’s why I have to bloody decide in getting a job! I already nagged him and he found one. Now it’s my turn again.

~+~+~

Been sleeping alot lately, eversince my leave break. Have had funny dreams. Most were to the extent of looking for something while out shopping. I think I’m just deprived of it. Making most of what I can dream of but can’t buy. Haha. By the by, now I’m just getting too poor. It’s not in yet. Even when I left so early, they haven’t credited mine yet. The nerve! They’d better credit along with the incentives too. Don’t know what the M is for if we brought up the incentive uncredited problem and they can’t answer for it. I seriously wonder what’s their status there for. Sometimes I dream of doing funny things to him. I wake up feeling so amused most of the times.

Oh, Christmas has gone and past yeah. So is the New Year. It wasn’t one I enjoyed really, what with me being sick all that. Yet he still stayed to accompany me, when I was sulking on him being supposedly out for Cpy outings with me alone at home. Understand he doesn’t have much either, with his being uncredited as well. So… there we go always at home, TV, eat, games, tease, sleep.

Seems boring huh? Hoping it’ll get better. Trying to cope with the problems together.

That’s enough thought indulging for a night. This is what happens when the indulging comes. Oh shucks. Good night!