Archive for October, 2006

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bugs; bad times; plea

October 7, 2006

Anyone know how to debug a flu-bug?

After that previous post, I think I went to sleep.

For the rest of that Wednesday, I didn’t even appeared online. Surprisingly. Well, I did manage to get quite the sleep and then proceeded to study for the 3241 midterm. Did feel kinda fulfilling that I finally managed to understand the concepts and the many ??? I’ve left behind for the tutorials to-date.

HOWEVER

Well then, I did brushed off a sniff or two at night. Then Mama made me eat medicine for it. Didn’t really manage to catch a good sleep in lieu of Thursday. In the end, I think I only grasped barely 2 hours of sleep due to the circumstances and the situation that my brain was in.

Oh! Thursday arrived. It was pretty much hell. I got it all sorted out, but I couldn’t really prepare the questions for the SSB like the mate wanted. So, I felt pretty useless on that part cos’ I didn’t contribute much. Think I shall make it up by starting on the report framework or something.

Though, honestly, I have lots of things to really worry about.

Thursday’s a bad day to have the midterm.

  1. I’m usually late for that lesson, although I left earlier than usual. The bus driver was awfully dreadfully unexpectedly slow in driving.
  2. I’m never in the right state of mind.
  3. I’m sleepy or never thinking.

Added to that, the day starts at 9am. Ends at 4pm.

***
Somehow, I don’t know why it just bothers me that F takes things too easily. I just can’t get along with her concept of “It’s already prepared for us. It’s not luck…” Like how she just always lets things happen and never did really try. I mean, she does try, but she only tries perhaps once? She never really pushes it.

I can’t take that perception. It just irks me. Plus, if we always let things happen without even trying the very best, what are we here for in the first place?
*** 

Anyhow,  I don’t think the midterm is gonna turn out great. SIGH.

Added to that, FLU had to hit me. Thursday became really terrible. Slept in ’till the next morning. Lucky Friday’s a free day.

Seems like I’m doing nothing much, nothing productive. Fact is, I just really needed that time off. The thoughts of all those codes haunting me in my dreams was just too much. Way too much.

Ever had java codes and algorithms haunting you in dreamland? True, I’ve been worrying about the logic and what I’m supposed to finish coding. But it went to the extent of nightmares. I practically had them all jumbled up up there. SOBS.

Anyway, there’s one particular dream that struck me. I met K and J, the senior couple, in one of those instances in dreamland. We were somewhere around town. Weird enough, the location’s really familiar, as if it were Orch Rd or something the likes of it. I recall having mentioned RP. That I walked that far ’till I bumped into them. I forgot what we talked about. But it was pleasant, at least I think it was. K didn’t seem quite happy to meet me, though. I don’t know why. I do know, however, that I treat J like an elder brother in reality. I know I was dreaming, but it seemed so real. I was just happy to meet them, having not met them ever since they’ve graduated. Brings me back to the times when I first met them…

There was this other dream like a few weeks back or so, I shot someone dead. I was very depressed. Depressed and disappointed that I shot the man dead. I simply can’t remember who it was, though he seemed to be Him. I can’t be sure about it, though. I was afraid of being found out, yet ironically everyone saw me shot him. I just walked away. I wanted to get away from that place. I wanted to go somewhere, where I’d forget everything…

Haven’t had these impressionable dreams in a long time. At this stage, I really feel like giving up. Really. Yet, it’s like only the last lap.

It always happens, doesn’t it? I remember it happened back during the days when I was 16. I wanted to quit the CCA because no one in there seemed honest enough to trust anymore. Each to her own. They were the ones who’d probably instigated against me. Well, you can’t really help it when people hate your brains or your personality. I tried to un-nerdify myself but it didn’t work. People actually thought that I was trying to gain the limelight. In fact, I was just trying to gain sincere friends. Apparently, no one really understood my intent. It wasn’t a happy memory.

Well, what’s past is past. Just so happens that the memory of it actually came back to me when I was lying awake from my blocked nose. Just totally out of place. Don’t know why bad memories come back at bad times.

Now, I’m trying to run away from having to complete what I have to. The weighted feeling is just overwhelming. It’s adding to the choked feeling I already get from the flu.

Talk about bad times. Hazy days too.

****

Can you pretty please stop burning the trees and land? Pretty please be considerate and consider the health of not just those living there, but also of those living around you. Do you know, how many people fall sick? Do you know, how many organisms feel choked up? Do you know, how it doesn’t rain these days?

Can you pretty please stop the shootings?
Can you pretty please stop the fights?
The riots?
The murders?
Taking innocent lives?

Has anyone of you ever considered for others? This world is not yours, alone. It is ours. Why can’t we live in peace, together?

**** 

I wish it were all just a bad dream.

note-to-self: to write about self-quote on “anything, anyone, anywhere” as a preference.

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an update

October 4, 2006

This will be a short one.

I almost never do with a short one. There’s so much that I’d want to say, or put to record ‘lest I forget. Not that I tend to forget, but which human will not err?

Suprisingly, in my favourite month of September, I’ve only managed to keep 3 posts. Think this will have to keep up, what with the tonnes of things that I’ve to do. Somehow, school’s fun but it comes with a price.

IMPORTANT

  • Wed – study 3241 
  • Thu – 3241 midterm
  • Fri – study 1302
  • Sat – 1302 midterm
  • Sat/Sun – do Lab Assignment 3
  • After that and while in the midst of free time, code 3214

So you see, with everything to worry about, I’ve practically nothing else to care about. What am I saying…

For now, I just have to keep supporting myself.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

***

Coming to “4th year” that poopoo’s been in.
Coming to “oct 27” that 1302 essay is due.
Coming to “???” that 2216 project report is due.
Coming to “report week” that 3214 is heading towards.
 

Hope I’ll stay alive somehow…