Archive for September, 2006

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panic; poopoo’s back ^^

September 22, 2006

PANIC POST

No matter how the others put it, the advisor is seemingly pissed off with us. Well, that’s the perception I get when I read his emails.

No matter how the others put it, I’m still in panic simply because.

I can’t bring myself to ease, plus the fact that I’m mentally on teethers, physically quite able, innards a tad queasy what with ALL that air inside since the morn’.

I feel AWFULLY SICK with what I already have in queue to be done, yet reminded again by the emails, which I awfully hate the most. Just give me the deadlines, will you? I hate reminders. I repeat, I hate reminders. Especially from the higher authority. I will give the final product, but just leave me be in my time, space and peace. — ala rant due to panic

I feel so disoriented because everything comes at me all at once. I want to calm down, yet I wish it were all just an awful nightmare. I have to cope with it, yet I wish I could run away from it all.

It may seem a tad too emotional to you. But if you were me, the panic-stricken me that I am now, you will feel like jumping out of the window as of the now.

Currently I have 3 urgent things to worry about:

  1. Lab Assignment
  2. UI
  3. Codes

Codes and more codes. Each time I even try to visualise it, I feel like vomiting. Literally, what with the AIR inside my system. I tell you, it feels horrible. There’s like air bubbles everywhere inside me.

AFTER I hopefully finish the 3 things, I have to think about the SSB and the coming midterms. Next week’s recess week, and I doubt I’ll be able to do anything I want. I haven’t even started on the present. I hate this life. I hate this timing. I hate being hurried like this.

Given the procrastinator that I am, it’s not that I don’t want to do things. It’s the mood. Seriously, when I really want to do something, I will when I feel all set to. If I don’t, like the panic-stricken me I am now, I won’t be able to understand anything, much less achieve something.

***

warning: this section is mainly based on quotes from a conversation with a friend. take it with a pinch of salt like i do. if you could, you’ll realise how amused i am. otherwise, don’t bother reading 😉

In the midst of all that chaos, after I’ve read everything and stuff and tried coming to terms with the mess I’m in now, my eyes literally lit up when I saw poopoo online.

This was how poopoo greeted me, when I MSNed poopoo:

“happy 23rd birthday booboo”

“O_O oei since when i’m 23 years old WTH

“no? its been 2 years since i talked to u on msn”

den how come i havent quit uni

“u stayed back ah?”

***

eh green color nice anot

“ha fking nice. PUI. and the people inside all brainwashed. everyday other than sex and army songs, nothing else”

WA u oso brainwashed le

“serious i tell u. nah, i’m pro. pro dun get brainwashed”

I started laughing. Really amused. Then, the best part was when poopoo forgot the password to be able to change the bank account no. of some profile. Best part was, it was the username that’s wrong too. Surprisingly, after 2 tries of incorrect username entries, the system allows poopoo to enter the NRIC as the username. I thought that was a cool system. But he didn’t realise that he still didn’t have his password, to start with, until he tried and I mentioned it. LOL.

Then, when I was laughing at him and stuff and mentioned that I wanted to find something to eat, he just attacked by saying,

“later i eat prata. hoho”

i cant find anything except chips… cos i cant cook… u get prata…

“HOHO. 1 kosong, 1 egg and 1 cheese. SONG”

nvm since u juz come out, i shall REN my jealousy

“hahah, ya. now i come home, like king”

***

“and the most stupid thing, i need to get 2 pic of my loved ones =.=. fking lame”

“o_o whats that abt? to put at ur bunk ar?

“my platoon seargant la”

Given his character, I understand his reaction. Haha, then continued complaining about not being able to bring in mp3 players due to some youtube incident. Only allowed to bring in discman. I was suprised cos’ discmans are like so last era kinda gadgets and he had the cheek to say that I’m speaking about myself =_=. Continued complaining that one meal a day wasn’t enough anymore, cos’ the appetite increased.

sian.. i get hungry when i panic” — this is me, though

“ha for fk u panic. and what the hell are u? where got pple panic = hungry =.=”

***

“HOLY SAI”

sai is holy meh” — ignore this =_=

“i left 3.74 gb on my d drive”

wa congratulations

“must go burn le. download too much anime and porn le. haha sian.”

SEE u brainwashed le

“in =.=?”

anime n porn tsk tsk tsk

“lets face the facts. anime i dun know la, but if u’re male and u dun download porn, u have to visit the doctor. cos something very wrong with u.”

but u’re gay

“i’m bisexual =/”

wa best u’re half gay

“ok what. but female still comes first la”

*** — this is the part that amused me quite alot

“and when i mean by bisexual, it means just spending my life with him. no sexual actions and etc.”

a marriage is just like spending yr life with a friend. thats all

Sometimes, the beliefs and analogies poopoo lives by, really inspires me, if not amuse. Lets me see other perceptions to a certain situation.

And then he left for his prata, and hopefully enjoying his weekend before he goes in for another year this Sunday night.

It’s people like these who usually keep me going, telling me to take it easy.

*** 

Another person to note: M. Though, I was tired and everything, I managed to smile and laugh at the things he introduced me to during our little lunch date on Wed. Basically just some Korean variety shows. He’s one person who followed on my dream to pursue languages. Apparently, he really utilises any time he has on his hands to pursue that. I’m going to wait ’till I graduate. One thing, though, I guess I’m not the only one keen on been a linguist. It rubbed onto some people, especially when I kept taking language modules for a good 3 semesters. I’d like to think I was the source of influence =b Grant me some credit, will you? -beams-

Haha!

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12 days later…

September 19, 2006

ID: Moodprints
Occupation: Avid Procrastinator
Current State: Lost


8, Friday: Met Twin for lunch at SC =)
9, Saturday: Met Cloud for dinner at RC
10, Sunday: Last person I’d expected to wish me happy birthday, H, rendered me speechless
12, Tuesday: Sh’s birthday
14, Thursday: SSB presentation. Received a present from K =) via F
15, Friday: Stayed up ’till late 8.33am to finish up with the UI
16, Saturday: Did manage to wake up to meet up with S for shopping and dinner treat from her at Orch =) Gave her an early pressie, though it was kept for a very long time
17, Sunday: S’s birthday
18, Monday: Had that consultation, tutorial from Silent Killer, and that feedback session

You know, sometimes it really brings you to think whether the people you’ve worked with, could actually backstab you or something. For instance, there’s always this thing called Peer Review for projects, to know about the team members’ opinions about one another. It’s really bothering me why was I the only one to have that feedback session even though most of the rest probably gave the same feedback as I did.

Was it truely because he wanted my opinion?

He was nice enough, though. To ask me not to read into too much of that other person’s words and criticism. Well, the fact is, I’ve learnt to ignore the person almost totally.

Isn’t it like too weird that person seems awfully too cheerful today? Hopefully the rest will also get the feedback session like I did. It only seems fair rather than just have my feedback. Also, it brings me to wonder, who actually told him about Human’s involvement in the IMF. I was awfully surprised when he asked us about that, that other day when Human already left for home. It’s like someone told on Human. IMHO, though Human’s tied up and everything, Human still willingly took up responsibility and stuff. Much unlike person whom just decree but not execute. Other people end up having to execute them.

I don’t know if my feedback actually got through, I do hope it does. Simply because I don’t trust person enough.

Person is a mixture of hypocriticism and dictatorship. One who always thinks his opinions and views are the best amongst ours. Especially when, after a certain one of us completes something and uploads the softcopy, this is what person says to piglet:

“I have to clean up his shit.”

Would a leader say that? A leader who doesn’t do anything except compiling what we’ve completed into one piece? The nerve person has.

I’m angry because person isn’t human enough. I’m angry because bro J, whom has helped person do some of the things that person is supposed to do, and yet not credited for it. I’m angry because piglet, whom supposedly person calls a friend, is actually the target of extra responsibilities; those that of person’s dumped onto piglet.

UI was supposed to be done by piglet, person and me. ‘Till now, it’s become piglet, silent killer and me. Person can only criticise and not help substantially. Even designs are done via pictures, instead of putting into the actual .html form. Like wth.

Enough of that. I think I’ll just concentrate on doing what I’m supposed to do, instead of dwelling on these thoughts. Bro J’s right.

Bro J’s a tad too nice, to the effect that I actually do feel as if I could lean on him for support sometimes. Or is it just me? I’m just hoping there’d be someone for me to lean on for support when I truely need it. Oftentimes, I insist on standing on my own two feet.

I’m tired. I’m tired of supporting myself.

I’m tired. I’m tired of figuring out what the others think of me.

I’m tired. I’m tired of worrying about others because of one person.

I’m tired.

Yet to depend on just Bro J to listen to me, is a tad selfish. He’s a selfless person. What if I can’t return the same sentiments?

It’s hard to trust new people to be your friends, when you have peer reviews. Damn, I hate peer reviews. I only use that when there really is someone that needs some good talking to. I already tried. Hopefully, someone else will do a better one.

I hate insensitive people. Always have and will continue to do so. It’s an inert reaction when I meet such people, to just be at total conflict. This is the worst one I’ve met thus far, because I’m obliged to work along even though I want to keep my distance.

I really need some human contact.

Someone hug me, please.

I’m losing faith in the people that I actually care for… If only they knew how I truely feel…

I miss poopoo’s conversations. Poopoo’s always somehow there to comfort me via poopoo’s own wacky experiences. Poopoo’s analogies never fail to amuse me. Poopoo, when will you be back? Sigh…

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dedicated to self

September 7, 2006

I’d wanted to really get a good Wednesday meeting and was even all prepped up for it, in the mind. Alas, it was not to be for some people just do not understand the meaning of the words disappointment, insulted, pissed off, especially when your idea wasn’t the least bit taken into consideration and the effort put in was thought of as miniscule and brushable like dust.

I’d want to recount the whole episode just to get it off. But, think I shan’t for if that’s how they want it to be, then they shall solve it themselves. I did my part. I repeat, I did my part. Should there be any discrepancy in the peer review or complaints, I am so going to kill him and wish that my birthday wish comes true.

****

That aside, thanks to all those who’ve cared and remembered. I really appreciate it all. You just don’t know how much. Not in any specific order nor level of appreciation. Purely thanks.

brown cow, piglet, human, silent killer“: Thanks for the brownies and ice cream =) Really thanks for remembering!

brother James“: Thanks. Thanks for just listening all that while. I don’t know why you do bother, but I really appreciate it. No one does really bother to, but you do =) It just feels hard not to talk to you, though. Really.

piglet“: Thanks, and no you’re not useless. I’m just as useless as you are, just in different areas. I only know bits of here and there and tried really damn hard to get there. Fact is, not everyone appreciates it. So yeah, you’re not alone.

twin“: So glad you’re getting better. I was wondering what I’d do if I can’t treat you to milo on Friday =b Oh, yeah, I’m suppose to dedicate an entry to all your clues. Haha, I shall keep it in mind to backpost, if I ever have a chance to, that is =/ Either way, I love you too 😉 Oh, now I’m getting worried about what to get you for yours =S See you on Friday!!! -teehee-

Su“: Yup, old friend. Cos’ now I’ve no common lessons and you so rarely come online, it’s like those days where I’ve lost touch again. It’s really hard for me to keep up with friendships. But I really appreciate it that we still remember each other. It keeps me remembering the days when we were still in that classroom together. Haha, thanks =)

L & E“: Thanks. Really thanks for just remembering. I really appreciate it =)

riff“: Haha, really thanks man. Didn’t think you’d remember 😉 Oh, I’m 16! And NO, YOU’RE NOT 12!!! Hahahaha I know I know “basket!” =b

fran“: You cheated. You didn’t remember it until I explained riff’s thickness. Haha, whatever it is, I had a nice conversation with you today =b

mooo“: Another someone I won’t forget, even though we seldom meet nor talk. Someone I’ve met online but we happened to be almost the similar kind. Haha, I still can’t forget the part about the Hello Kitty! Hahaha, by the by, though lame as you are, I really feel lucky knowing you and that we turned out the way we are now. Thanks =)

poopoo“: Thanks! And I really mean thanks =) for waking up just for the well wishes. I really am going to miss you, not that I talk to you often either. And now that you’ve switched to other games, I seldom get to listen to your stories nor tell you mine. But you’re there to listen, especially when you’ve to take the risk to listen. Haha, really am lucky knowing you too. You just don’t know how much I appreciate it. You’re another someone whom really understands and is also understandable. If we could meet, I’d be more than happy. Wishing that you’ll have a smooth-sailing green adventure. See you around on weekends 😉

Mama & Sis“: Thanks!! Thanks for getting me a bunch of things that I love. Love to have and love to have for doing stuff. Yup, SCRAPBOOKING RULES! If only I can have that time and freedom to utilise them all -sigh- The cake rocks! The cow rocks! The templates, thingamajigs, monokuro boo(s), wanroom vol. 1 and accessories rock! The toyogo rocks too! Haha, couldn’t have expected anything else =b

****

Yup, that’s all I have for now. I really appreciate it lots even though daylight has yet to arrive. I’d wanted to sleep in early to forget the earlier depressing and freakingly insulting episode, coupled with the fact that my day starts at 9am that lasts ’till 4pm, without a halt. But, these people kept me awake. I couldn’t get away simply because people like poopoo would have missed the chance to say it and wouldn’t be able to ’till 2 weeks after. Also, people like moo would have missed continuing his bedtime fairy tale to me. Also, I wouldn’t have ranted to fran the way I did. And, twin wouldn’t have scared me off with another of her surprise attack for me. And, I wouldn’t have received all those SMSes from bro J, 12-yr-old riff, and a whole lot of others. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ^^

****

All that aside, sometimes you really wonder why your opinions / suggestions never get across. They were never even considered until perhaps a long while later, someone else brings it up and you take up on it like it didn’t matter. Either that or you claim it to be your idea.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Well, to me it really hurt a big deal. I wonder why people don’t feel it. Especially those who take on the idea to be theirs. They just love claiming what ain’t theirs.

For those who’ve finally considered the thought, good for you if you’ve realised the source of it. If only you realised it earlier, eh? Maybe things wouldn’t have ended up the way it did.

Like I always say to myself:
“If anything bothers you, just say it out. Be heard. It prevents misunderstandings. It clears doubts. It gets your opinions and emotions across. Like it or not, it’s better than regretting not having said it.”

Simply because I don’t say what I don’t mean. It’s better to say it than to type it.

Just my opinion, though. And I do mean, mine.