Archive for August, 2006


rant: detest

August 29, 2006

I totally detest it when someone volunteers to be something that he/she is not.

I totally detest it when someone just assumes that we are free-loaders when we actually made the effort.

I totally detest it when someone just nitpicks when he/she doesn’t even know how to go about doing what I did.

I totally detest it when someone just has this irritable “hey you’re wrong. i’m right” aura whenever something is spitted out of his/her mouth just because.

I totally detest it when someone just looks almighty just because and yet we are the ones really doing the labour.

I totally detest it.

Just because, doesn’t mean you can criticise as and when you wish to. Just because, doesn’t mean you can send down orders and gives the impression that we didn’t do what we’re supposed to.

What the heck. You don’t even read or even view what was contributed and did. You just send your orders like we’re slaves. Hey, we’re all in it together. We’re supposed to do it together. When I say together, I mean showing consideration and respect that we are capable of it. And not showing that aura that we are incapable or are beyond expectation.

What’s yours may not be ours. What’s ours may not be yours.

We’re on the wrong frequency. If you can’t even respect people properly, then don’t do it. Don’t act almighty just because. We only call you so out of convenience for your volunteerism and also out of fun and respect. But do you? You don’t sound very considerate to me.

Just because, doesn’t mean we have to oblige to whatever you say. Don’t keep assuming that you’re right. Why don’t we compromise sharing everyone’s ideas? We may be wrong, but hey, have the consideration to be tactful.

At least from what I see, everyone else but you, are sharing, with fun. We’re serious about it as much as you are. Don’t you even dare doubt our capability.

Seriously I hate the way you talk to us. I hate the way you just seem as if we’re not serious enough. I hate the way you think so little of us, that we’re that stupid not to do this and that.

I already considered everything that you’ve ordered. Don’t make it seem like you thought of it. You think I’m that brainless?

I hate the way you don’t seem to trust us enough.

You need to be taught a good lesson on attitude.



the will

August 28, 2006

There are times when you just feel like giving up.
There are those times when you just feel so deprived of praises.
There are those times when you get praised but you know that they ain’t true.
There are those times when you feel like you just have to get through it.

Getting through?

So, there are times when there are people who noticed without being told. These people give you that pat on the back, that rub on the head, that smother on the cheek, that belief, that you will get through it.

If only I could have more of those =/ Yeah well, I don’t really get plenty of human contact. So, when I do get one, you can see me blush all over. And it’s good to blush, simply because it means your nerves are working.

There are times when you’ve noticed that you can’t take it anymore. So you thought to yourself “hey! start cracking already… it’ll only get worse if I continue dragging it…

But you want to do so many things. You have so little time, so little energy.

You get yourself all happy and satisfied watching a full drama serial in almost 12 hours, catching about 6 hours of sleep in between. Then, you proceed to start typing a lengthy section of a proposal assigned to you to be done over the weekend. Well, since you woke up at about 3pm, you get yourself all washed up and full in the tummy. Oh, that was the interval of the drama time. After you’re done with the drama, you wished there was more. Sadly the second season only comes out next year. So, you start surfing around on the Internet because you couldn’t get your mind to start working. It wasn’t until 7pm then you started continuously typing for an hour. Then, you got geared up to play on the Clavinova, which you haven’t touched for a week or so. After playing almost anything on it, even those that were impromptuous playing, you got tired. Proceeded again to type for another hour or so because you have to upload it for your group mate KH to vet. Then you worked together with your group mate and even had some fun time chatting until you were done. You get all smiles on your face. Pity you didn’t want to try the web-cam. You feel accomplished because the drafts are completed. Then you went ahead to print whatever it is that you’ve been wanting to print for the whole week. When all came out pretty on the white papers, you go back to your seat and started sourcing out information for your Tuesday’s meeting. Then you get your mind set to refresh on Vectors. For now, you feel just great because you’ve now a lighter load.

The will. If you have it, you feel it. You get it, you win it.


Saturday evening was spent to celebrate L’s birthday at Swensen’s over at Orchard. I bet L enjoyed it because E hosted the surprise company for her. Cool.

It’s really nice to get surprises. If only I could even have one. I want a really big one. If not then, many small ones would do just fine. Sigh.

There were things that I would like to get off my mind about, but I think unnecessary to be noted. Quite unimportant anyway. I’ve decided that if something had the nudging nerve to bother me, I’ll just brush it aside and play ignorance. Think it works better for everyone that way. Don’t think too much into it, simply because.

Oh, if someone really remembers, then the someone will. Otherwise, I think I shan’t bother. I know myself not being able to make that much of an effort to meet everyone who means something to me, to tell them that they are remembered. So I guess, they might be feeling the same way too.


If something bothers you, just let it out. If you know you haven’t done something, do it. If you want something, go for it.

No regrets.

Failure is better than not trying at all.

The will.



August 24, 2006

Really… It gets fking irritating when the CD-ROM drive just won’t work properly. It all started with one CD, which I put in, and the pain coating started tearing away when it was in the CD-ROM drive. That happened like perhaps 6mths+ ago?

Sometimes it works just fine, sometimes it doesn’t. Fking irritating.

And oh, if anyone’s wondering whether fking is a word. Well yeah, but I leave it to your imagination in defining the word. Afterall, anyone can have their own definition of it. Besides, it is just a word afterall. Man created them ūüėČ

Oh, I’ve been fking busy these past two weeks. To think school has just started. Now, with this CD-ROM problem being a big problem. Let’s just hope I won’t have to use it anymore than I already need to. It’s getting fking really on my nerves.

Been having meetings after meetings for project. About the other project, there’s like no news of it. I really wonder if they’re even thinking about doing it. Then, I realised that the bulk of the group is made up of year 1s. OMG. Hopefully, I get through this one just fine. Or maybe, I’ll S/U it afterall. Sigh.

At this hour, I’m supposed to be sleeping because today starts at 9am for me. But the really good CD-ROM drive made me so mad, I had to use Sis’ lappy to do the burning and stuff. I wasted like 3 CDs as of just.

Project seems to be on good progress, but this is only the starting stage. Really hope it continues to be of the same rate. I’m growing to like them.

I really want to do well this semester. Just hope everything goes fine.

Finally I get my CDs cooked just right.

Oh, I just noticed before I started this entry that I get high readership when I’m on the down side. Weird.

People like to read negative stuff? Sadistic perhaps? Or concerned? I know there are those concerned. But, I find it weird that there are those extra readership coming in from I don’t know where.

An observation.

Anyway, to those dear, hope your lives ain’t as bad as mine.



freaking “morning”

August 22, 2006

Want to know what’s the worst morning you could ever get?

Is when you wake up, happily go bathe, get all dressed and seated for breakfast early. Then you remember that you have to get the reference of files from a CD archived somewhere in the room and you fking don’t know where it went.

You searched through all possible CDs and you still can’t fking find it. Then you tried to access¬†the contents of the unlabelled CDs via your laptop and you can’t fking detect anything. Simply because the CD-ROM drive can’t fking get detected by the system. It’s totally fking invisible to the My Computer.

Then you get so fking frustrated trying to get the system to detect the fking drive because you know this isn’t the first that it’s happening. To your fking horror, it just won’t obey you. You realise¬†that you can’t fking get the files you wanted and are already fking late for your project meeting at school if you don’t budge the next second.

Then you realise that you’d probably need some coins for a bottle of mineral water should the need for it arises. So you hurriedly stomped over to your room, reached over the dresser that’s always fking blocked by something on the floor, just because¬†you’re the only one who uses the dresser. Then, already you are in a hurry and you fking tripped over that box and fking crashed into the coin tray and whatever that was to the left of you. So happens that you fking bumped¬†your arm on the edge of the glass table that has metal edges. The edges are blunt but¬†you literally scratched¬†your arm at that corner and it fking hurt like OH.

But no one asked you crashed into what. No one asked why you were rubbing your arm. No one asked why were you so furious. No one asked why were you fuming. No one asked nothing.



August 17, 2006

Only one week of the new semester and I feel like…



  1. I can’t continue working while studying.
  2. I haven’t finished reading up what I’m supposed to.
  3. I haven’t gotten a clear space for myself.
  4. I haven’t really gotten my time sorted out properly.
  5. Books are so freaking expensive.
    – Beginning J2EE 1.4, from Novice to Professional by Apress publ.
    – Computer Graphics with OpenGL by Pearson publ.
  6. I can’t celebrate my birthday =/ as I’d thought I would.
  7. I wish I had more surprises, maybe at least one to start with…
  8. Morale’s low everytime I see the amount of things that I have to read up about.

I want more Monokuro Boo(s)! If only there’s a folder version of it…

I need more time.


If only good things keep dropping from the sky for me. And the bad things just get washed away into the abyss.

I think I need more mental and physical space. Sigh.

Getting broke after confirming the Scrapbooking Workshop I mentioned the other day. Of course, including the never forgettable expensive textbooks.

When will I ever have the time to read everything?


Monday, I didn’t have any lessons. So I was out to work as usual.

Tuesday, I had a 2-hour lecture. Realised that the lecturer’s really cool =) Then, I had to rush off to work because they were really short-handed. Had lunch with them afterall at Cine, before rushing off. Was starving and ended up eating more crabmeats and fried food¬†instead of¬†sushis. Oh, they actually didn’t send in 2 of my orders! =( Had to leave, and was short of cash. Thanks M.

Oh, so turns out G isn’t taking the module. So, I’ll just be leaving the books with him for the time being. Since, he lent me his for the SS. So yeah, maybe I’ll sell them only after the next semester.

Wednesday, I had another 2-hour lecture. Another funny lecturer. Man, this semester’s full of funny lecturers o_O Then, tried to find some books but couldn’t. Only found it today, in fact. Then left for home, before leaving again for the surprise birthday party for B =) It was helluva fun! Haha, there wasn’t much to be talked about, except of course to S and Y. The rest were the seniors and some new ones. B forgot my name! =( Photos turned out quite blur, sad. Well, lucky I caught a video of the critical moment! XD It was fun though I was already tired out from school and everything. Did enjoy myself. Thanks S =) Oh yeah, we got home by lorry, thanks to one of the new ones I met =D Surprisingly, B messaged everyone, including me as a show of thanks o_O I don’t remember giving him my number, nor do I remember having his. Oh well~

1 word: fun

Thursday, thankfully I only have 2 lectures today; 5 hours straight. Next week, it’ll be 7 hours straight. Help me survive! The trip to and fro Biz is just so horribly crowded and long and… I got so sleepy just after the first 3 hours T_T Then G and I went to get the books after the CG lecture. The lecturer was interesting but just a wee bit too monotonously soft. I nearly dozed off and knocked the caucasian seated to the right of me. Later tried helping G to do the sums he mentioned, but alas to no avail. Dragged¬†my feet then all the way to Och Emld to pay for the workshop. Really looking forward to it!

One complaint I have. The Sci CO-OP is just too much by removing all the computing stocks and placing them in lesser shelves. Like wth? I mean, it’s like making us seem significant or something. The replaced the shelves with A WHOLE BUNCH of sci books. Like hey, couldn’t you just give us some decent shelves or something? Their arrangements are all so crappy! Disorganised.

I’m so glad I’ve no lessons tomorrow. I still have a project meeting to attend to though. Which means…

Finish reading up the Proj Spec.
Ballot for tutorial slots.
4pm at the Student Lounge.

Bring myself and my brains along.

Read up on J2EE, OpenGL, SS Readings.
Start SS Tutorial.


Oh, I forgot to mention. I don’t remember which night was it, but the yearning was so¬†great I actually dreamt about it. I was so eager to make earrings, after seeing some cool ones on the net, just about last weekend. Then when I just pushed it to the back of my mind, the dream appeared. I actually dreamt that I was out shopping with Mama and Sis at this particular craft shop. It so happens I was browsing around and I came across the shelf that had the hooks, chains,¬†studs and loops all hanging on the shelf, with the navy blue tags that screamed “Earrings” on the packets. It was so surreal, I really thought I wasn’t dreaming about it. Not until when, I excitedly screamed to ask Mama and Sis to have a look and the scene somehow changed. I was there looking at shoes, instead. Then somehow or rather, there were bags too, still in a shop-kinda-scenario. Then we were out of it somehow and then there was this guy there. I think Mama actually had a chat with him or something and gave him money? I don’t quite recall it. I only remember her reaction after that: “He told me he’s gay.” I was like “WHAT?!?

I don’t know what was that about, as in the later part of it =_= I do hope that the shop where I found all the materials I wanted, does really exist! OoOoOo~



August 13, 2006

A stark realisation made.

Only today did I feel really quite the affected person.

There have been memories that I haven’t recorded about. Shall keep them in mind for the time being, since now is quite the odd hour to recall them all in detail. Then again, when do I ever type in a normal hour o_O

Surprised myself yet again by agreeing to go out with Mama and Sis. Initially, it was just to meet up with that online seller to make the exchange of the goods. In the end, when I’d finally reach the destination for the meet-up and on the dot, guess what happened?

“Hi, I’m there already. I’m wearing a beige jacket.”

“Hey sorry something crop up i cant meet you already. very sorry!”

“… Couldn’t you have told me earlier or smtg?”

“Sorry my family problem. i compensate you by giving you voucher can?”

Like hey, it’s not about the voucher. It’s not about compensating me. This is the 2ND DISAPPOINTMENT I’ve received. Yeah, you may have something on, but couldn’t you like inform me earlier? It’s not that I’m unforgiving. It’s just common courtesy.

I’ll readily say “It’s ok.”¬† if you’re my darling friend. But now, I’m a customer for goodness’ sakes. Had I not messaged the seller that I’ve arrived at the meeting point, I wouldn’t have even known about her not turning up. What kind of attitude is this?

I even forgave the person for not informing earlier about the meeting time. Initially I suggested to meet up at noon. She said that she could only confirm with me again the night before. In the end, lo and behold, she only asked me regarding the time at around 1+pm today.

Seriously, I don’t know whether to even continue doing transactions with these kind of people.

Later, we went to shop for tops at a little sale around the area. Then, we went all the way to the east to get dinner. Nice, but the trips there and back were really butt-draining.

Pictures to be put up.

Talking about realisation, I’ve realised that the semester’s starting in a day’s time. And I

  • haven’t even done anything to Project ROOM
  • haven’t read up the text and complete all the exercises
  • haven’t decided when to work
  • have to get myself cracking regarding the project
  • have plenty of readings for another module
  • have to learn how to code in C++ and OpenGL
  • haven’t gotten MY space yet

Plenty of things were said but left unaccomplished. Feels so degrading. I even had a plan thought up about what to give **** as a birthday present. Still, I haven’t gotten around penning it down. I’ve got all the designs and ideas in my head, but materials neither bought nor sorted. Plenty of things are still in the mess. How am I suppose to start a new semester at this stage?


  1. Get my school stuff sorted
  2. Get my clothes sorted (Well… at least those that’re in my wardrobe…)
  3. Get my hobby-thingeys sorted (Only those that’re in my cupboard…)
  4. Make space
  5. Start coding and reading
  6. Pen that idea down when I have the time
  7. Get my notebook proper (Decided one to use for now…)
  8. Bags are to be washed (Only one for now…)

Updated: 14 Aug ’06 Monday 01:03 hrs

Didn’t actually wake up in the morning. But, oh well. At least I got some things done and I’ve finally received the exchanged piece! ^^



August 9, 2006

What are surprises?

Can be good. Can be bad. Then again, bad surprises = shocking news.


Pardon me for not posting. Been wanting to but.

  1. Lagnet is horrendous.
  2. He is equally horrendous.
  3. Surprises

Why 1? Last Saturday, it was supposedly the day that Lagnet people came over to our place to upgrade our internet service. Supposedly to get bigger, faster and better bandwidth in our home wireless network. A bunch of a total of four to five of them came over. To do what? Blame our phone line for not working properly. Set up the new settings of the network on our machines for us. They don’t even tell us what they added into our machines, much less the settings.

So if anything goes wrong, or no internet is detected, call them back to do it because they will get paid for it. Either that orYour laptops are not working properly. You may need to get them serviced.” Yes, they had the cheek to blame my laptop for not being able to detect the wireless system. They so claimed they added a file of some sort into the machine to be able to receive the wireless. Well, one second the wireless is gone, another it appears and another time it’s gone. So the file can do vanishing acts?

You think I’m an idiot? For damn goodness’ sakes, why can’t you admit that you¬†are such a poor internet service provider? The whole bunch of you are just people who come over to do some pathetic settings. That’s what you get paid for? Expensive, eh. Furthermore, that’s your line of job. So, what makes you think that you know that IBM and Acer laptops need servicing?

AND you scratched my Sis’ laptop screen.

The nerve of it all. If anyone ever figures out who Lagnet is, please stay away from them. The Friday wee hours before that, they just cut off our broadband and our service became dial-up because all our laptops couldn’t receive a single wireless connection from our own router. Only the PC connected to the phone line could.

And it’s not the first time.

Customer service? We’ve called alright. Each time, they say it’s our machines’ faults. They are NEVER wrong. Never. They make us change our routers and modems. New or old, made no difference.¬†Simply because¬†it was them who cut off our service even though we pay every single¬†month. Oh, they never admit it.


Why 2? He never listens. He actually agreed to pay them for this lousy service. He thinks everything he does is right. We’re wrong. What he does is good. We’re bad. Scratched screen. He insists my Sis did it. Can you believe that? He never blames outsiders. He blames us. I bet he never loved us.

Coming to 3. I am surprised at myself sometimes. There are times, when I just decide consciously that I won’t be doing this or, I plan to do something but will not get around to it. At least for that point of time. So, when I said I wanted to buy books from “K”rafers’ Paradise¬†because I received an email saying they had them sold at 50% off, I didn’t know I’d actually do it. Yeah, sometimes I just really surprise myself. It was really almost impromptuous.

So I did just that on last Friday. It was kinda therapeutic =) I bought quite a lot, considering I only planned to buy scrapbooking mags / books from KCK. Bought stickers, though I still don’t know, when I’ll be utilising them, CDs because I caught the HMV flu, when Sis asked to drop by there, and some cute keychains. It really was therapeutic.

retail therapy!!! 040806

The bottom left shows how much I bought from KCK. Well, Mama chose to buy me the plastic case! Finally, one step closer to scrapbooking organising! ^^ Stickers and one book. I could have bought all the other mags too, but well I¬†need to control my wallet too. Aiming to save 2k in my account! Bottom right shows how long the receipt was, including my Sis’ purchase, that is. Received a free scrapbooking class voucher! Yeay~ Oh, and I received another email from them regarding a Distress scrapbooking lesson. It’s regarding how to use the distress method to decorate your LO(s). Decided to go on Sunday 20 Aug, 2.30pm-5.30pm. Anyone else interested, please do visit their site at “K”rafers’ Paradise¬†to contact them for bookings. You can either email or call them.

Bought Pink’s CDs just cos’ I couldn’t resist the temptation =x Oh, the top right hand one are small cute chains of the twin: black+white pigs called Monokuro Boo. They’re really cute! Do check on them ūüėČ

And here’s the 3rd scrapbook mag to add to the collection:


Cool, huh? And it was at half-price! ^^ Very clear step-by-step ideas coupled with list of to-buy materials before you get started. There were some of them that were fresh ideas. That’s mainly the reason why I got the mag.

Then the fateful Saturday after was a long day. I surprised myself yet again, by asking F for company to the bookstores! Haha, just to find my long-seeked-for recommended text. Really think I’ll be needing it, what with my sheer stupidity in programming. It was a heartbreaking buy. S$99.95. For only one book. The most expensive book ever in my whole life. T_T Will show you the pics when I’ve got them sorted.

We had a long day out together. It was fun, though! Thanks, F! ^^ Oh, after that I had a birthday surprise to attend.

Can you believe it? My junior E, had a surprise birthday barbeque courtesy of her own mother. That’s like so cute! Her mother got around to contacting one of her closest friends and asked her to spread the word about the surprise. The unknowing E, was lost for words and actually yelled at her mother for the surprise. Simply because we caught her in her Tweety PJs. HAHA! I was mostly too tired from the adventure that day. So, I didn’t talk much.

Had a coughing racket when I tried so hard to sleep that night.

Note-to-self: To sell the 2 texts to G, when we meet again.

Lucky E. If only I could have a surprise like that. You know, friends surprising you… In a party of sorts or something, with all the people you’re always with or have always wanted to meet again. Sigh. And it’s all thanks to her mother. Lucky E.

It was just the surprise bit that really got to me. Oh, company was good. I owe G one for driving me home, yet again. G’s really nice to talk to.¬†The rest seem as distant as always. Well, not near, not far.¬†

I kind of give up on close-people-relationships. I only keep up with those who do bother to do the same.

Worst surprise I’ve gotten thus far: I didn’t get the order I made from PaperGirlsShop. It was a long wait, since Wednesday. In the end, they gave me the piece that was recently put up. I wanted the older design. They said they had it. It so turns out that they gave me the reason that they mixed up the two designs.

One question: How can sellers be confused by the clothes that they themselves sell?

It’s utterly out of question. Of course, I’d prefer an exchange or a refund. They said they mixed it up and yet the piece that I wanted is no longer available. Nonsense. When it was decided that I wanted an exchange, they actually asked “Did you wear it already?” That was it man. They just wanted to get away with the phony reason they gave.

Why would I wear something I didn’t order? Pay for something I didn’t order? I’d better get what I order.

And they ask me to mail back the piece to them before they mail me another. Then what? I bear the postage fees? It’s their mistake, in the first place. And I’ve freaking paid the price for the damn piece that I’d ordered.¬†Man…

They took so freaking long to answer my questions and suggestions. Now, it really brings me to doubt their sincerity in their online sale transactions. If this time around, I don’t get my exchange, I’m really going to just not buy from them. To think, I’d really liked the clothes they sell. Wanted to buy 3 at once. This is what I get, when I’m just trying out their service.