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dizzy spells

July 23, 2006

As an effort to keep a record of whatever strange illnesses I do get…

I had a big bout of dizzy spells on Friday, to the point of getting a huge headache plus a fever to accompany. Thus, a day off from work when I least wanted it. Bummer.

I’d thought it was just flu since yeah I had the feeling that I did catch a flu somehow after work on Thursday. But it wasn’t really the flu that bothered me, at least not my nose. More with the big dizzy spells that felt like more than a tonne weighing at the back of my head. When I tried waking up on Friday morning, I couldn’t wake up as I usually did. In fact, when I did get up and walked, it was almost too fast a motion. Blackout ensued. I had to sit down to stop it. Weird.

I don’t recall eating anything wrong. Neither do I recall hitting the back of my head for that matter. But the nauseousness was too much to bear. Vomitted a lot of bile at one point of time. All yellow and bitter. Yup, that bad.

Only maybe Saturday morning when my Mama rubbed the back of my head, did I actually feel a whole lot better. Don’t know what really did it, but I did feel a whole lot better for the rest of the day. At least that means a better Sunday.

And to accompany that, my colleague-cum-friend, J, from work agreed that I can join her group for the coming semester’s project module! Yeayness =) Not sure if they still need more people though. I wonder.

Asides that, do nice people really finish last?

Not sure about that, but from experience, it seems to always happen. So I don’t know whether I should be a nice person or not. Then again, sometimes things happen so suddenly, I don’t really stop to think to react. Oftentimes when I do take time to think about what to do, it just ultimately leads me to nowhere simply because I can’t make decisions in a flash. I consider too many things at a time. I’m a pretty detailed thinker. Sometimes I think far way ahead than needed. Freak, aren’t I?

Then again, I need to learn to think about myself before others. I have to be selfish sometimes. If I don’t help myself, who will?

Some confusing unexpected things have happened. Don’t really know how to really phrase what I’m thinking so much about. To put it simply, from one point of view, I’m just thinking too much unnecessarily. From another point of view, I feel it’s only right to delve into those thoughts. From another, I feel there should be a balance. Prioritise my thoughts? Lol.

Do forgive me if nothing seems understandable. Dizzy delirious people can only explain this much via typing an entry such as this. There seems to be plenty to type about, yet it’s as if I’m just going about it in circles. Unnecessarily?

Hmmm. One point to note, though. Guys are so unfathomable.

Another point to note. Now I know how it feels from the other side. The weird feeling you get from the other side. Yeah, perhaps, that’s why he reacted the way he did. I guess my reaction is a wee bit too big. I’m meanner. Simply because I don’t know how to react and I don’t know if I’ll hurt the person or not. I don’t wish to hurt anyone, especially myself. So I try not to start anything. If I did, it means I’m from that other other side. Haha. Circles.

I’d thought that perhaps I could change the perception if I showed what I do look like. The reaction was weird. Well, at least I get that reaction online. If I had it any other way, I would have reacted in a manner, worse off than you can imagine. But…

I’ve got so many but(s) and I don’t know why.

Haven’t been able to dream because I can’t sleep in peace. Especially in this delirious state, where I wake up hourly and able to sleep only hourly. It’s disturbing any dreams that can even emerge.

I feel like scaring him away, but it’s like he has this determination not to be. I don’t know if it’s because of what he says it is. I just think it’s ego. It’s hard to tell because I don’t really know him.

=/

Freaks. I hate guys sometimes. I just hate them when I can’t really trust them to be who they claim or seem to be. I just can’t trust people that easily. I take like aeons to trust someone. I mean to really trust to do things with, for and have things done for, you. Irritated.

So irritated. That sums up how I’m actually feeling lately. Annoyed. Irritated.

I can’t piece the thoughts together. The perceptions also keep running around and away from me. I forget what I actually perceived initially.

I can’t believe I’m starting to be forgetful.

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