Archive for July, 2006

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dizzy spells

July 23, 2006

As an effort to keep a record of whatever strange illnesses I do get…

I had a big bout of dizzy spells on Friday, to the point of getting a huge headache plus a fever to accompany. Thus, a day off from work when I least wanted it. Bummer.

I’d thought it was just flu since yeah I had the feeling that I did catch a flu somehow after work on Thursday. But it wasn’t really the flu that bothered me, at least not my nose. More with the big dizzy spells that felt like more than a tonne weighing at the back of my head. When I tried waking up on Friday morning, I couldn’t wake up as I usually did. In fact, when I did get up and walked, it was almost too fast a motion. Blackout ensued. I had to sit down to stop it. Weird.

I don’t recall eating anything wrong. Neither do I recall hitting the back of my head for that matter. But the nauseousness was too much to bear. Vomitted a lot of bile at one point of time. All yellow and bitter. Yup, that bad.

Only maybe Saturday morning when my Mama rubbed the back of my head, did I actually feel a whole lot better. Don’t know what really did it, but I did feel a whole lot better for the rest of the day. At least that means a better Sunday.

And to accompany that, my colleague-cum-friend, J, from work agreed that I can join her group for the coming semester’s project module! Yeayness =) Not sure if they still need more people though. I wonder.

Asides that, do nice people really finish last?

Not sure about that, but from experience, it seems to always happen. So I don’t know whether I should be a nice person or not. Then again, sometimes things happen so suddenly, I don’t really stop to think to react. Oftentimes when I do take time to think about what to do, it just ultimately leads me to nowhere simply because I can’t make decisions in a flash. I consider too many things at a time. I’m a pretty detailed thinker. Sometimes I think far way ahead than needed. Freak, aren’t I?

Then again, I need to learn to think about myself before others. I have to be selfish sometimes. If I don’t help myself, who will?

Some confusing unexpected things have happened. Don’t really know how to really phrase what I’m thinking so much about. To put it simply, from one point of view, I’m just thinking too much unnecessarily. From another point of view, I feel it’s only right to delve into those thoughts. From another, I feel there should be a balance. Prioritise my thoughts? Lol.

Do forgive me if nothing seems understandable. Dizzy delirious people can only explain this much via typing an entry such as this. There seems to be plenty to type about, yet it’s as if I’m just going about it in circles. Unnecessarily?

Hmmm. One point to note, though. Guys are so unfathomable.

Another point to note. Now I know how it feels from the other side. The weird feeling you get from the other side. Yeah, perhaps, that’s why he reacted the way he did. I guess my reaction is a wee bit too big. I’m meanner. Simply because I don’t know how to react and I don’t know if I’ll hurt the person or not. I don’t wish to hurt anyone, especially myself. So I try not to start anything. If I did, it means I’m from that other other side. Haha. Circles.

I’d thought that perhaps I could change the perception if I showed what I do look like. The reaction was weird. Well, at least I get that reaction online. If I had it any other way, I would have reacted in a manner, worse off than you can imagine. But…

I’ve got so many but(s) and I don’t know why.

Haven’t been able to dream because I can’t sleep in peace. Especially in this delirious state, where I wake up hourly and able to sleep only hourly. It’s disturbing any dreams that can even emerge.

I feel like scaring him away, but it’s like he has this determination not to be. I don’t know if it’s because of what he says it is. I just think it’s ego. It’s hard to tell because I don’t really know him.

=/

Freaks. I hate guys sometimes. I just hate them when I can’t really trust them to be who they claim or seem to be. I just can’t trust people that easily. I take like aeons to trust someone. I mean to really trust to do things with, for and have things done for, you. Irritated.

So irritated. That sums up how I’m actually feeling lately. Annoyed. Irritated.

I can’t piece the thoughts together. The perceptions also keep running around and away from me. I forget what I actually perceived initially.

I can’t believe I’m starting to be forgetful.

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meeting people

July 14, 2006

Okay, I don’t know what did it but my ailments are gone!

Time passes you by fast, doesn’t it? I’d thought it was only the beginning of July but now it’s already almost the middle of it. Talk about fast.

The past month had quite a number of birthdays; of some I remember, of some I couldn’t attend, of some I haven’t kept in contact with for aeons, and of some I celebrated.

This month, celebrated one too. Fx’s. Boy, I didn’t know my JC friends are so lucky to have such luxurious homes. The second one I’ve been to thus far. I actually cabbed all the way to the right end of the island just to attend it. Was already a tad very late for it since I had work and couldn’t get off earlier than intended. Had durian cake! The first I’ve ever tasted for a birthday. It was fun though kinda short-lived. Well, I never really talked to Fx during that one year of study but he was fun too. Bet he enjoyed being dunked in peanut sauce, haha.

I’ve had two steamboat outings this week. One on last Sunday and one just last Wednesday.

I made a reflection unconsciously just yesterday I think. I was rather quiet on Sunday’s compared to Wednesday’s. Perhaps, it’s really the company that makes up my personality. I really had nothing much to say on Sunday’s, just you know being polite and stuff since I haven’t been to that house before. For Wednesday’s, maybe it’s because his parents weren’t home and stuff and the people, though it was a rare meeting, were really comfortable being around. I kinda enjoyed it. It was really very different. I had better food on Sunday’s. Wednesday’s was our own doing but the food didn’t really matter.

Seniors’ commencements were on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. Yes. I COULDN’T ATTEND TUESDAY’S! You just don’t know how frustatedly disappointed I was and still am. I mean, I couldn’t really ask to knock off earlier because it really depends on the crowd coming in and you just don’t know when the kids will come in. They just come in when it was convenient to. In the end, there weren’t many during the last hour of work. But, I was already too tired from work to cab all the way down to the left of the island. Still, I’m just so sad I couldn’t attend it =(

I made the effort to get up early for Wednesday’s. It was a funny experience to be there. You know, watching your friends graduate and stuff. It was kinda cool and it felt nice too. It’s like I feel happy for them. Then it occurred that I won’t be seeing them around campus as rarely or as often in the coming 2 semesters. Still, I wasn’t lamenting about it, more like being happy for them. Funny and lovable bunch of people =) They will be missed. If only I could’ve attended all the other commencements too. That’ll be so memorable for me, though I’m not the one graduating.

memo: To get the pictures from them.

After the adventure back in campus, left for home. Then went to meet up with S to help her carry the stuffs over to H’s place for the steamboat. Met up with F, L and T at the MRT station before we went over to the supermarket to get the ingredients. It was kinda fun shopping. Yeah, you know a couple of almost spoilt 20-ers shopping for a steamboat. Although, it was 4 girls and 1 guy, we still took a long time to do shopping. Can you imagine the type of girlfriends I know? Haha, okay S is not so bad cos’ she has to cook for herself. So it’s different. At least I know what to buy too.

Then we waited like kinda very long for H to appear and we smuggled ourselves into a free shuttle transport to his place, which ended up squeezy and I had to share a seat with another lady. Well, I’m small anyway.

Reached his place and met D. H’s place has no one at home.

HAVOC ar!” cried out L.

That was the ultimate quote that I won’t forget noting down. Haha, when H mentioned that his parents were out since they know we were coming. Hilarious. But yeah, what can we do to havoc anyway =_=

It was a long evening and ate up into the night to prepare our dinner-turned-supper. I think I talked too much. Maybe it was due to the lack of sleep. If I didn’t do something, I could have just fallen asleep then and there at the eating table. The Mum was very nice to be around with. Oh and she was very helpful and stuff. She actually remembered me being there the last time. Haha, I find her so memorable.

You’re very cute

Can you imagine? She said that to me. LoL! Oh, and she was saying how it was better that I was talking more than the last time we met. Maybe it was just because I was more comfortable being there this time around. Plus, if you’re too friendly the first time you meet, it’s like abit weird, isn’t it?

Maybe it was really me lacking sleep and trying to avoid a void of silence being there. I did enjoy myself. I don’t know about the rest, though. It was nice to see L and T, whom so rarely attend the outings that we have. 9 people and the Mum and later, the Dad. It was nice =)

There were many instances that’d be nice to note. But yeah, if I were to note them down, I think this post will go on forever. I think I’ll just leave it imprinted to memory.

If I were to get amnesia one day, I know I’ll miss out on a lot… Things that weren’t noted, written or photographed. Will there be anything that will remind me of them?

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high

July 3, 2006

I’m high on medication.

I’d thought that I wouldn’t fall prey to the flu bug, eversince that last time where I’d got really really sick. Then it just finally hit me after Friday night.

Plenty of things go in out and around the mind when you’re high on medication. So I can’t really say much about it. There are certain things, which I don’t have answers to. So, I’ll just try to blank my mind as much.

It gets really confusing if I try to sort out my thoughts these few days because I get really delirious. Maybe it’s just me.

I think I’m currently quite insane. Haha!

Hope I’ll be sane enough for work. Yup.

Still so many things on my list that are undone.

SIGH