idling; backtrack

May 8, 2006

I've been gone eversince my papers ended last Thursday. Well, can't say I'm confident of that last paper because some of the questions that came out really had me pulling my hair. Added to that, I'm already not that great in the concerned subject. So, I'll just have to chuck the thought "shit! I did that one wrongly. shit! I couldn't finish that one. shit! I should have studied that chap…" at the back of my mind until the results are out. Anyway, what's done can't be undone, can it?

I say the same things, exams after exams. Lol. At least this time, I'm rather cool about it.

Remember I mentioned how I only see blankness for me after the exams? Well, more or less that way. I'm just waiting to see what appears for me to do each day. The thought of having to search for a part-time job again irks me — the interviews, that is. The thought of having to work with possibly unreasonable and bias managers again irks me — due to a past experience. The thought of getting tired just for the experience and money again irks me. But, like my twin says "it's better to furnish your resume" and if I don't do so now, it'll be a little too late after I've graduated. Since by then, I'd really appreciate a better job.

If only I could really idle all day. For now, I can only idle for a short period. Some things are still unconfirmed.

The last 3 days have been spent out. Had the greats and not-so-greats.


Evening was spent out with Gg, Mh, Ll, and a couple of others. Cos' I spent the most time with these three. We were supposed to meet up at 6.30pm at Cine. I'd thought I was late. In the end, I only saw the mentioned three. I was late cos' the bus took such a freaking long time to arrive — 4 238s = 1 232. Went to J8 first to have a name chain done for *Gg and this, too, took a long time since there're a few other customers who ask so much and yet don't buy anything or buy so many things and still ask for so many customisations.

*Gg is a nickname given to G for the convenience of understanding what G stands for in texting and online messaging. Apparently, he isn't called Gg, literally, in reality. But, I took a liking to it and calls him Gg in person. Of course, he doesn't quite like the sound of it, but takes no heart of it. Haha.

So, I happily handed him the prize since it was his birthday on the 4th — as a mini gift from me. Of course, it was also a way to tease him of how I like to call him. He only saw the mini soccer shirt keychain at first and thought it harmless and was confused why the shirt had a 22 on it. The fact that he just turned 22 didn't quite occur to him =_= When he was finally convinced to take it out of the plastic and look at it, his reaction was classic…  

"What Gg?!?"

LOL! Then Ll burst into laughter along with me. I love the reaction 😀 Exactly the way I pictured it when I planned to buy it. Then he said this "I shall remember you for this" Haha, of course I replied "Aww I'm so touched, you don't have to do that"

Well, unless you're me or those who know the origins of him being called Gg, then perhaps you'll understand the joke. It was a classic memory. I love watching people's reaction when they've opened their gifts from me 😀

Then we waited for like 2 hours or so and the rest slowly appeared: M, J, W, I, P, K, E. So glad that M left after a while. Then I and W went to I've no idea where. W was weird enough dressing the way she did. Mh was weird enough putting me down whenever possible. Oh, and I don't know why he kept teasing E with J, when J seems so clueless about it. J was surprisingly fun. Of course, when the six of us; Gg, Mm, J, Ph, Ll and me; were at one table together, we had loads of laughter. It was too much to bear 'till I teared most of the time. I love the times when we can laugh like that and no one interrupts it. I don't like it when there are other people who interrupts it and gets all the center of attention all to themselves. Perhaps I'm just biased against those people but I really appreciate it when it's just like that.

All of us ate at Cafe Cartel and we had loads of laughter! 🙂 After different lame ideas of adjourning to where else, we decided to go for coffee. Then I and W left. I felt strangely comfortable that way. Then, K was strangely quiet too. Throughout our trip there, he didn't say much. Then, when we were looking for seats at the Coffee Bean, K disappeared. The rest said he went to the Gents. Strangely, when we failed to get seats and got ready to leave, K mentioned he will meet us later. Well, in the end, he didn't. I wonder where he went off to.

I just find them acting quite strange. Maybe it's just me, since I haven't really gone out with everyone else for the whole semester.

At Borders, I finally found out something else. This person I've detested for not being what he promised, is strangely attached. Of course, the rest knew about it. I just found it appalling. Haha, I wonder how his taste changes from the person he used to got so crazy about to this current one. Anyway, that's his business.

We ended up at the Forum's Mc, simply because there's no seats at every branch we went to. Talked for a bit. Oh and yes, everyone who's heard the piece I composed, likes it! They were astonished, however, that it was self-composed! -beams- I felt so happy when I heard their comments. All save for Mh's. I still don't understand why he loves putting me down. Bleah.

I shall give him a present that he will never forget! Bleah.

All of them talked and talked and talked. Until it got so late, I left in a hurry. Cos' Mama was angry. Cos' I will just miss that last train. Oh, I almost did. Haha, I brisk walked like I never did before and was in time for the last train!!!

And lucky I did just that. The guys got home by Gg's car. But the girls got home by E's dad's car. Imagine that. Inconsiderate guys. Cos' everyone couldn't fit into Gg's car. Oh well.


Went out with Mama and Sis in the evening. Went to PP to actually buy ice cream. But that particular flavour wasn't sold. So, we thought to have dinner, since Sis was hungry, at Banquet. Banquet's food also wasn't sold — the whole food court's under renovation works. Tsk, what luck.

So, we went to buy cone ice creams and adjourned to Bedok, by bus. We did people watching, lizard watching, shop watching, etc. 'Till we reached our destination. Oh, after that we went to do a little bit of shopping.

One thing I don't understand is:

Why do the sales people like to stare at us as if suspecting that we're a bunch of shoplifters? Like, why the hell do we go there and look around to find something we really like, if we're shoplifters? Why the hell do we go so hard to find the right size for the ring, if we're shoplifters? Why the hell do we go exclaiming "hey, that's cute!" if we're shoplifters?

Just because we're of a different race, doesn't give you the right to keep staring at us, expecting us to steal something. It's rude. Why don't you look around the rest of the shop and look for real shoplifters? No life sales people. And that sales lady was so rude to like say "no, that one different price. only this one is the 1.90 one" indirectly saying that we're just after cheap nothings.

It wasn't until Mama and Sis got so fed-up being looked at like that and left, and I was left alone to choose ring sizes (we weren't in a jeweller's shop, just a regular accessories for ladies kind of shop, rings are those cheap $10 kind of rings..) and asked the sales lady in Mandarin, whether those rings I chose are of the same price. Then she started to speak politely and even helped me find which rings are from where. Like WTH. I was right about her attitude after all.

Just really appalled at the people's reaction sometimes. Oftentimes, their attitude never ceases to disgust me.

On the other hand, there was this other shop that we went to. Seemingly to get those fingerless gloves, cos' Sis thinks them cool 😀 I think them cool too. I'd think they'll be cool-er if there were half finger gloves. Ultra cool! So yeah, the shopkeeper actually invited us in to take a look, without expections and disregarding our racial difference. It was a Converse shop, but we were just looking for those gloves, not branded or anything. But, they still welcomed us so graciously. Now that's ideal customer service. Inviting you to explore their products with such hospitality, even though it's just a shophouse kinda house. As compared to that other shop, I'd love to go back to this shop any time. I loved this part, cos' the guy had this classic look:

"You can speak Chinese?"

when I thanked him after making our purchase 🙂

Then, we adjourned home by bus. I'd noticed something. In buses, usually it's not the young people who never give up their seats. Cos' they're either standing or they're seated in those very back seats ala the inconvenient seats for those elderly. It's actually aunties, who just chuck their very precious purchase at the inside seat while they sit at the outer seat of the two-seater. How selfish can they get? People of the same age, same race and they still refuse to budge and move in to give that seat occupied by their precious purchase to those who really need the seat. I mean, why can't they even share the two-seater?

I can't recall much as of now.


Today, I agreed to go for some kinda business venture talk at H's workplace, with Sh. Before that, I agreed to go meet up at Pasir Panjang for the camp briefing. Somehow or rather, I don't really feel eager to go for the former simply because I've no interest in the area concerned. I'm on a job-hunt and I'd thought just go have a look or something. Still, there was this feeling that I can't see what will happen…

Anyway, I was late for the briefing cos' I underestimated the bus journey there. In the end, there was already a programme sheet printed out for everyone. Even this camp, I really had no feeling of whatsoever will come out of it…

The people in it were nice. They have a nice place. I like them as they are. I just don't feel comfortable with their practice. I respect their belief. I don't like the way they have it. Their habits changed once they believe.

When the briefing was over, we chatted and hanged around. We did plenty of talking in during the journey to RP. Coincidentally saw this Viet guy from school, in the bus. Had a negative impression of him from project work experience. Told them about it; F and Sh. They had plenty on their minds for the coming camp. Plenty of things to plan and get. Planned to go shopping at around 5pm to evening.

H was late for a good 20 minutes. I'd thought he was free for the day since he clearly texted me I'm free on Sunday, I can show you around somewhere along that context. But the free word was clearly there. But everything became twisted.

I'd asked about job scope? what's the job like, you know, what we have to do, the pay the time, etc. He'd replied can't tell you via handphone. it's hard to describe. maybe you want come down and see? It's a business. I didn't exactly know his definition of business. I didn't know he meant it to be multi-level marketing. I didn't know it appeared in the papers. I was looking for a job. As in a normal job, the kind where we can find for part-timers trying to bide their free time away. He didn't tell me all that. He only mentioned the latter when we were there. And when asked why he didn't say so earlier…

"You should ask me mah if you want to know something. What she tells you is only 50% of what I told her. You only know 50% of what she knows."

Hell yeah. Of course I only know 50% of it, when you only told me that much. I was raging with injustice but I couldn't bring myself to argue with him. I was supposed to be really angry. But, I was only annoyed.

In the end, we didn't attend that so called talk cos' Sh and F were in a hurry to do their shopping. Plus, what Sh said made sense. I'd thought that at first. But I don't know what made me agree to see him…

"Even if we attend that first hour and skip the most crucial part, the two hours after, it doesn't look nice. Plus, if we're not interested, we'll only show confused faces there…"

Hell I don't even know what MLM is about! K mentioned that it was an evil sort of business practice but I don't even have a head for business to understand what was he advising me about.

The conclusion to it: I felt bad. I felt bad for agreeing to go and then he has to answer to his mentor that his potential employees will not be attending. I felt bad for wasting his time to head down to RP. I felt bad for asking Sh and F along. It was that bad.

Even though it seemed as if he half-welcomed and half-shooed us about the talk, I still felt bad. I didn't really understand his gestures. I don't know what he wants, actually. He's a very big contradiction that time when we talked. He actually apologised, saying that he didn't know that we will be busy, thus not able to attend the talk in full. He apologised? I was then thrown into an entangled mesh of confusion.

I couldn't get out of it.

We went around shopping. I heard their views of his way of doing things. Of how his outlook on life is like. Somehow, I just can't see it in their point of view. I don't know why. I still respect his outlook on life, the way I respect theirs. F didn't quite like the changed H. Both of them seem disappointed with how he talked. I just had this feeling that the way he talked to them was somehow with a touch of annoyment than when he talked to me. Much like how he talked to me that time when he walked me back. That annoyed H, in every word he says, there's that punch of annoyment. Yet, at some point of time, he seemed the gentle person who just chats with you, as a friend.

I'm confused. I just listened and observed. Still very confused. Why is it that I feel as if he's hiding something? When there clearly is nothing substantial…

We went to J8 to get what they had to. Then Sh had quite a tiff over the phone. She apologised and explained a while after 🙂 I kinda understand why. Come to think of it, putting Sh and F together, they'll work better. Haha, I love them both just as they are.

We're just so tactful when we notice something. Female intuition? 😉

Like Sh predicted, both of us forgot about the shirt I had her keep for me before we left. Somehow, she recalled it and had to take the train back and forth to hand it to me >_<

The camp programme seems fun except for the said meetings, but there's a telling sign that I'll not be there somehow…




  1. that's …. a lot of words

    me: I couldn't help it! Haha, there's supposedly more but I chose to give it a break. Had too much on my mind to remember and wanted to let it all out in case I'd forget. It happens when I'm idling.

  2. thats… darn a lot of words

    me: Ahahaha, I like to type as if there's no tomorrow. Always, always keep it that way. Come to think of it, if I could type out essays in exam, I'd finish in less than the time given! Pity, exams can't be done on computers 😦 If only there's typing jobs out there, which only requires typing… Sigh…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: